I have to admit that letting go of someone
you have invested (some of) your heart in is quite tough at times. The feeling
of betrayal, to say I have finally let go when it is actually a minimal
success, has come to my mind repeatedly. “I have moved on,” I say.
“Let us see what this song does to you.”
The song playlist on my phone, dare me?
I said I
have moved on. I did not say I am signing myself to listen to any
tears-triggering song. Those are completely different tasks my heart has to
burden. Don’t you agree with me?
The speaker on my phone keeps going on with
its determination. I close my ears with the palms of my hands. No.. not that
song, please. I succeed to refuse to listen, at least for five seconds until it
digests me entirely. While it rumbles through my ears, I can still feel his
company, the memories replayed in my head, the vibe it got me when it happened.
It’s crazy how one song can bring back a thousand memories and heartbreaks. I
feel my tears fall down as a short movie of memories recalled inside my head.
Okay. Okay, I understand. I am not healed,
yet. I am still in the process of nurturing my heart to be in its shape. Collecting
pieces to pieces and gluing them back together. Sometimes I glue the wrong piece
but I get it some moments after. It is going to be a tough job if I am not persistent enough
to do it.
I cannot wait until that time when I finally make it. Looking at my
finely shaped heart functioning great and responding to the song that used to
make my eyes drown in tears with great relief.
That time when I can finally say “I used to love that song, I
still do. My memories are kept there. It used to shake me. But I am tough enough
now that it does not move me even an inch."
